The Most Awesome of Eating Contests, pt. 3

The first man returns on his helicopter to the private jet waiting to take him to the kitchen that has been prepared in international waters. Agreeing that the prey of his opponent would be much more difficult to move distances, the location is off the coast of Chile. A perimeter has been formed around this location of pirates hunting various less endangered species to keep Green Peace and their ilk from disturbing the cook-off. By the time this man finally arrives, the blue-whale make-shift sail boat is visible off the coast. The two begin on the task of cooking their meals.

The first decides that a good wolf meat sauté would work very well, however the heat for this must be provided in the most awesome manner of him and assistants sustaining fire-breathing on the sautéing pan. The liquid of choice for the fire-breathing for this task is of course 95% ethanol to make sure that the flavor of the wolf is not ruined by “safer” burning chemicals. This would also provide an easy solution to spices as no additional flavoring is necessary for this method (as the essence of awesome that enters the food from fire breathing would overpower all conventional spices); the man decides, however, that a bit of additional flavor may add to it and as such had an assistant fetch Naga Jolokia peppers to add something that might be able to come through the awesomeness.

The second man moves during the night to prepare his dish, he needs to go to the mainland as there is only one way to prepare a blue whale. He meets all but two of his assistants (each more awesome than the last) on the shore with the whale. The quickly move inland and into the Andes towards their cooking destination, the Llaima volcano. Here the other two assistants wait with a blue whale skewer; the two charge with the skewer and ram it through the whale. The giant beast is then propped over the volcano to begin the cooking process. Spices are applied (to enhance the awesome flavor provided by the volcano) by cannon custom designed to shoot spices in a wide spray. Other assistants in heat resistant suits fly around the whale with jet packs to rub in the spices. The man walks on the top side of the whale as it turns to monitor the cooking process from the best possible vantage point.

[cont with the finale in part 4]