Man Vs. Gravity and Ice

A man I working his way up a sheer ice face with a group of wealthy clients. One of the clients slips and starts to fall; as the rope that connects him to the next man up pulls tight, that man loses his grip. As the chain continues and the rest of the clients begin to fall one after another, the man takes off his gloves and punches his bare fists into the ice to hold himself there. When the tension reaches the rope attached to his belt, he does not move; unfortunately the rope cannot bear the weight and snaps off of his belt. As the man does not wish the clients to die (as he gets paid half after he brings them back), he dives down in an attempt to beat the clients to the ground. When he reaches the first one he grabs him and pulls the client up to accelerate himself downward even faster; he does this with each successive client and gains sufficient speed to gain a few seconds on them. As he approaches the ice below he lets loose a yodel that would shatter the eardrums of a normal man. This yodel has such intensity at the resonant frequency of the ice crystals that the ice below liquefies into a lake. The man then proceeds to hit the lake with enough force to break the surface tension for the clients so they do not hurt themselves landing in the water. He swims around and gathers the clients onto his back to run them the ten miles back to camp.

Man Vs. Dragon

A man sits in a plane sipping some water. A sudden jolt in the cabin causes the water to splash all over the him. He looks out the window to spot a red tail flash by. He knows what he must do. He quickly runs to the nearest exit and jumps out the door onto the back of the dragon as it makes another pass. The man grabs a hold of one of the dragon’s wings to prevent it from gaining lift. The dragon flexes its spinal spines to fling the man from its back. He flies up and grabs the dragon around the neck, coming face to face with the beast. The dragon exhales fire into the man’s face only to have the man shout with such force as to blow the fire right back down the dragon’s throat. As an excess of fire and air builds up in the dragon’s neck the man slams the dragon’s mouth shut with an epic uppercut. Unable to relieve the pressure, the dragon’s throat explodes. The man lands back on the dead dragon’s back, grabs the wings, and uses them to fly back up to the plane from which he had jumped. The man patches the exit back up with one of the wings and the flight lands safely at its destination.

Funeral for the Awesome

An awesome man has passed on. For unexplained reasons, his funeral was postponed for several months after his death, as per his will. As the mourners gather at the closed-casket funeral, a somber tone is over the room. The grievers find their seats and prepare for the eulogy, laid out precisely as according to the will of the awesome man. As a friend goes to give his eulogy, those there to see the man off are too overcome with memories to notice the marionette strings hanging near-invisibly from the ceiling, or the executor of the estate holding a suspicious button. As the friend clears his throat, the button is pressed, and in a split second the coffin lid flips open and the skeletal remains of the man rise, hanging vertically with an electric guitar attached in proper playing posture, a Hendrix solo blaring out through speakers as the skeletal hand appears to strum. Inside of ten seconds of this, the bomb attached to the inside of the guitar goes off, covering those shocked mourners with the dust of the awesome as the guitar noise slowly dims from the speakers. Everyone later agreed that it was the best funeral, and guitar solo, ever.

man vs technology

Typing on an iPod touch is hard. Technology wins.

Man Vs. Nile Crocodile

On a warm day on the Nile, a man decides to take a swim. Little does he know or care of the company he keeps when he does this. Seeing prey enter the water, nearby crocodiles move in for the kill. The first crocodile to him brings its jaws down with crushing force on the man’s midsection. The man does not flinch; with a quick flex of his abs, he breaks the crocodiles grip and brings his hands in between his body and the crocodile’s teeth. With another quick motion he breaks the crocodile’s jaw. Another crocodile bites at his head, but the man uses the top part of the previous crocodile’s jaw to block the bite. Realizing his disadvantage in position, the man climbs onto the nearest crocodile and runs across the backs of the assailing crocodiles until he reaches the shore. It is from here that he makes his stand against the other crocodiles. He grabs the next two that attack him and pull them to shore to grab them by their tails. He proceeds to swing these two crocodiles into the other attackers as they come eventually bludgeoning them all to death. The man moves on down the river.

Man Vs. Moth

On a beautiful summer day, a one-person round of golf is being enjoyed. Fluttering in the air are several butterflies and one moth, though the golfer notices none of these, concentrating instead on the fairway. The moth lands on the still-dewy grass and quickly expands to over eight feet tall. As the now shaken swing finishes, an ominous shadow falls over the ground and muffled screams and a single terrifying "Slurp" are heard. Returning to original size, the moth flutters off with the butterflies, leaving behind a golf bag and a potential birdie.

Man Vs. Bird

A huge bird soars through the sky, oblivious to it's impending demise.  The bird flies past a tree, where a man jumps off the tree, onto the bird.  The weight of the man causes the bird and man to fall through the sky together.  The man snaps the bird's neck in midair and the man and bird fall to the ground.  The man stands up, brushes himself off, throws the bird's carcass to the side and climbs the nearest tree where he perches, waiting for his next victim.

Man Vs. Bear

A man walks quietly through the woods. He comes around a bend in the path a grizzly bear a few feet from him. Their eyes remain locked for a moment as they wait for the other to move. The bear rises up onto its hind legs and lets loose a deafening roar. The man sees his chance and lunges at the bear. As the bear brings its body down to crush the man with its weight the man dodges to the side and swings his heel around to meet the bear’s jaw. The bear’s unconscious body drops the ground. The man walks on down the path.

Man Vs. Shark

A man is swimming quietly in the ocean. A shark is seen in the distance, but approaching. The man grapples with the shark, lifting and throwing it into the air. He dives down then rapidly speeds upwards dolphin-style, breaking the surface vertically, even gaining air. As the shark comes falling down, the man pulls back his arm and lets loose with a mighty uppercut at the perfect moment. The fist pierces through the nose, the shark splitting in twain as the man continues upward, eventually two bloody halves of shark falling from besides him as he gracefully arcs back into the water. The man continues quietly swimming.