Mega Bear vs. The US Air Force -- Part 0 (Introduction)

A bear lumbered through the forest. This was no normal bear -- or maybe it was. You see, this was the most bear-like bear of all the bears in the world. There were no characteristics that were in any way unbearish. In fact, one could say this was the platonic ideal of the bear, except for one thing: no person had ever seen this bear, nor had the bear ever seen a person. It's very difficult to be identified as an ideal if nothing that can think knows you exist.

This changed one day. Hunters saw this ideal bear and, wanting such a magnificent beast for their den, took aim. Smelling something amiss in the air, the bear saw them and, rearing and letting loose the most bear-like of all roars, the hunters quaked. Some primitive part of their brains clicked into place, knowing instinctively what this creature was. This was not just a bear -- this was the archetype of bears, the bear that haunts our collective unconscious, the very bear that has inhabited every nightmare about bears since the dawn of thought. As the hunters cowered, their fear made this bear perfect, ideal, and the universe knew it.

The universe operates on a handful of principles which, for the most part, maintain stability. One important part of this stability is keeping out intruders, crossovers from other, nearby universes, which interact with ours in the medium of thought. When these intrusions happen to occur, as is wont in an imperfect system, there are ways (which deal with the impossible, so we'll not go into that here) the universe's laws will affect it in order to send it back.

This bear was now a being of such an impossibly bearish nature that it was sensed as an intruder, as belonging to the universe of ideals and archetypes. However, this was not entirely true, of course, as this bear, though impossible, really was just a bear; but who's going to argue with the laws of the universe? The bear is torn through the universe, in an attempt to place it into the ideal realm, but it did not fit there. Stuck in limbo, for an infinite amount of no time at all, with no universe to call its own, the bear tore across all the possible universes, all fiction, all history, all culture, all myth, and was spat back into our universe, but leaving behind it a greater trail of damage than has ever been caused before or since. It was no longer just the ideal bear, though; no, it was far, far more than that. As the hunters ran, not knowing what they were seeing, the bear roared a roar not belonging of this world. For this bear was now every bear, a monstrous amalgamation of every bear that has ever been imagined or feared or loved. This was the Mega Bear.

Coming soon...

Prepare yourselves, gentle denizens of the internet (known as the possibly 3 people who read this). For...Mega Bear is coming.

Natural Disaster

"Looks like rain."  Two Mexican surfers looked over the gulf at the dark storm clouds rolling in from the east.  There had been news of an oncoming hurricane, but it wasn't scheduled to come in for another few days.  Unbeknownst to these poor surfers, Hurricane Cristobal had picked up speed and was upgraded to a Category 5.  Out of nowhere, the hurricane appeared, almost as if it knew exactly where it was going.  It appeared to be making a beeline straight for...the San Martin Volcano.

Because the volcano had been dormant for hundreds of years, small villages built up around it, living in blissful ignorance of this fateful day.  As Cristobal neared the coast, a strange thing happened...any animal within 20 miles of the San Martin Volcano started running inland, as if they knew something terrible was about to happen.  Villagers everywhere saw this strange event and wondered what could be coming.  They would soon find out.

As Cristobal rushed closer to the coast, it triggered a fault line.  Plates slid past each other quickly like two fat people squeezing by each other in the aisle in the grocery store.  This unclogged the conduit of San Martin Volcano starting an eruption.  Lava erupted from the volcano with a blast.  As this is happening, Cristobal finally reached land.  As some hurricanes do, Cristobal spawned tornadoes, like minions sent out to do his bidding.  One headed for the erupting volcano.  Somehow, the tornado made it up the volcano, heading straight over the crater and lava flow.  Amazingly, the tornado began to pick up the lava, swirling it around in a cyclone of lava.  Thus, the lavanado was born.

The fearsome lavanado made its way down the mountain toward the city, leaving a path of firey destruction in its wake.  It was as if a herd of rampaging buffalo had passed through. Only those buffalo were made of lava. And, also, were rotating at approximately 150 mph.  Villagers ran for their lives at the sight of it.  Even the strongest men wept and cried for mercy to any god that would listen.  But none were spared the wrath of the lavanado.

Tales of the lavanado's destruction would be passed on from generation to generation.  As time passed, the story slowly turned to legend, until no one actually believed in the existence of the lavanado.  So they live in peace, not knowing, that at one moment, the conditions could be right again...for the lavanado.